


Inevitability

by Nerdanel



Series: Clamp Stuff [1]
Category: CLAMP - Works, xxxHoLic
Genre: Gen, One-sided Doumeki/Watanuki - Freeform, One-sided Watanuki/Yuuko, just some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6227536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdanel/pseuds/Nerdanel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doumeki is not brave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inevitability

Doumeki is not brave.

 

It’s one thing to face down various kinds of spirits attracted to _that_ idiot, shoot and vanquish them to save _him_ , but it’s a completely different beast when it comes to the idiot itself. Watanuki has always been high-strung, even though he has mellowed a little in the intervening years. He no longer resembles the excitable teenager of old, even if he looks the same, but Doumeki’s impression of the situation doesn’t change.

 

He feels unmoored when that slow smile graces Watanuki’s lips, the kind he’s beginning to show more and more around him. It first made its appearance when Watanuki thought Doumeki isn’t looking. He no longer bothers with such pretences anymore, however.

 

They share meals under the moonlight, smoke curling gently around Watanuki’s eternally lanky frame, drown their evenings in sake and it’s _perfect_.

 

Except when it’s not. He’s growing older and Watanuki isn’t. The more time passes, the more he’s aware of it. He sees gray in his hair sometimes and it scares him more than he cares to admit.

 

Watanuki is leaving him behind. Isn’t it enough that he’s never going to move on from Yuuko? Doumeki has made his peace with it – he really has. There’s no point in fighting the inevitable. He respects Watanuki’s choices, his heart, and his love for Yuuko. He knows that Yuuko will always be there, in between them, her presence being one of the things that make up the chasm between him and Watanuki and Watanuki will never build bridges.

 

Doumeki still carries that egg with him, unable to decide what he wants it to be, and if it’s even his to use.

 

He always holds back.

 

Because Watanuki isn’t his, is never going to be his, and it’s okay.

 

It’s really, really not.

 

He thinks that Watanuki can handle himself, and the day he cannot, he will do as Yuuko asked him to.

 

Until then, he cradles the skin-warmed egg between his palms, the unresolved tangle of feelings snarl somewhere behind his ribs, and protects Watanuki until he cannot. And that happens sooner than later to the point that he can no longer look at Watanuki. So he stops going to the shop as much as he used to, and then gradually stops altogether.

 

Doumeki passes the egg and his bow to his son the day he knows he cannot anymore. He just hopes the heartache doesn’t get to him as it did to Doumeki. He leads the kid to the shop and abandons him to it, not looking back. He knows what he will see in Watanuki’s eyes – it has been a few years and there’s still only acceptance in _his_ mismatched eyes. _Their_ eyes.

 

Doumeki can’t bear it, so he walks away and leaves everything to his son. He hopes that child will have more courage than his father ever had.

 

In the end, he doesn’t even have the comfort of being able to visit Watanuki in his dreams and that’s all right. It’s a just punishment for someone as cowardly as Doumeki, and that is _just_ fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Just some random angst that came to me while reading happy Kuro/Fai. I don't know, my brain is weird. I might write more Clamp drabbles/ficlets if the mood strikes me. Or post the ones I wrote a long time ago and never published. Just getting back in the habit of posting stuff instead of just letting it rot on my PC.


End file.
